Winter is coming. The nights have been a little colder, the days a little more gray, and my life a little emptier.

I've been doing my best to stay optimistic, and list the good things I have in my life. Of which there are plenty. Amazing family, awesome friends, relative stability, a loving woman in my life who tries and tries and tries. God bless her. I am extremely lucky.

My grief councelor tells me I have survivor's guilt. That sounds about right. He tells me that I am making things worse for myself by not accepting the fact that something traumatic has happened. The world keeps turning, I think to myself.

I keep running and running and running and it'll catch up to me, but I don't know what else to do.

I could write for days, but I won't. Just know life doesn't stop for anyone, dead or alive. All you can do is be thankful for the few things that really matter and wait.

I should have started working full time for more than just the month of July. I had entirely too much time on my hands for the first two months when I could have been stashin' that cash. Now I am saving up some cash the next few weeks so Skeeze and I can make it out to California! I am super-pumped about the whole thing. I love trips, and I have not done anything this big before. It's exciting cause there's no fucking telling what will happen, but Skeeze and I driving cross country and then rockin' it in San Diego can only end in an adventure (my dad used to call any trip where he got lost an adventure..). I think next summer I want to spend a month in Germany as part of the Comm program (no, I won't have graduated yet). It's a chunk of change, but I think I can manage it. It's one of those things I've been dreaming about doing for years and if I don't make it happen I will kick myself in the ass forever. So those are a couple of things I am pumped about.

I AM DONE WITH SCHOOL FOR THE SEMESTER. (at first, caps lock was accidentally on, but by the time I noticed it was all uppercase, I realized that I was that excited and I should just go with it) I just need to wait and see what kind of grades I made. I already got my Comm exam back and I aced that, and I think all the others went alright. I need to make at least a 2.58, and I think I made at least a 3.0 for the semester, so I should be in good shape. There were lots of times when I should have worked harder, and I caught myself getting pretty slack around the middle of the semester, but hopefully I pulled through alright. I will let you know come May 10th whether or not I get to continue my [formal] education.

I took the motorcycle for a spin around Simpsonville today. Passing my old house, knowing full well that we don't own it anymore, I still had the sensation of "I wonder who's car is in my driveway." And driving past Chad's house, I instinctively looked for The Joop and Jessica's car, since it was always parked out front. I guess some things just don't really go away.

We sell a series of prints at work called The Color of Money that shows images of slavery from what is supposed to be Confederate currency. Well, this guy was in there asking about them and we got to talking and I started to explain how it wasn't actual Confederate States of America currency and was just prewar state issued bank notes. We got to talking about federal mints and things like that, and he asks me how I like CofC. I tell him it is great, bla bla bla and that I'm doing Comm. He goes "Oh yeah? That's what I do." Turns out the guy is the president of Makovsky PR (www.makovsky.com), the 13th largest PR firm in NYC (out of hundreds). Long story short, he gives me his card and told me to keep in touch with him and that I should apply for an internship. He says that they pick about 3 interns out of around 300 applicants, but then goes "Of course, when you know the president who can pull rank it helps." That's the damn fast track to getting a 6 figure salary right there.

I am a fool for holding on when I should have let go a long, long time ago. That's just how I am. I've done it before, and I know I will do it again. I could be mad, and I could be bitter about a whole boat load of things, but instead I am just going to try to bury it and move on.

I am considering taking flight lessons over the summer. I think money is really the only issue. All in all, from start to finish requires between 2 or 3 months of lessons with 2-3 lessons a week. The whole process takes about $6,000. If I were to try to finish it in one summer, that would be $500 a week. That's not very practical, since this past summer I was only making $300 a week after taxes. Maybe it is something I can start during the summer, and then just take one lesson a week during the school year until done. I don't know. Just something to keep thinking about.

Football is gone now
but unlike you, it will be
back again next year.

Well, winter break was a damn blast, and now school has started. I can't complain, I've been waiting to get back to CofC for what is a year now.

I started winter break off working down in Charleston until the 21st. Previous years I usually dip out right as the Christmas rush comes, so I figure I would stick around and earn a few more bucks. It paid off, cause I got a Christmas bonus out of it (which I promptly blew on Christmas presents and trivial things in Greenville, but Hell). So from there I went to Greenville, which I enjoyed more than I thought I would. Got to hang out with everyone like J-Bum, Skeez, Jacob, and the whole rest of them. We blessed the bus, played monopoly, drank heavily, saw the sharks at the new seafood place, played more than our fair share of LAZER BATTLE!, played video games, went out to the bars, and just dicked around in general. There was a lot of other stuff, but I have somehow already forgot about it. Feel free to remind me if I missed anything important. I also enjoyed spending time with our family, because I have always taken for granted that we'd all be together for Christmas, and as we all get older, I never know which one will be our last celebrated as a family. I hope that wasn't it, but if it was, it was as good as any to end the tradition on and start building new ones. You can't stop change, only try to flow along with it, I suppose.

Anyway, from Greenville, I went to Columbia for New Years and had a blast. I crashed on Josh's couch for a few days, played some Edward Forty Hands, lots of Geometry wars, much Intersteller dancing, and lots of other stuff. As tempting as it was to just move in, I had to make my way back down to Charleston.

My classes don't seem too bad. My Comm Theory professor seems to know what he's talking about and takes the class seriously, but he is pretty witty and on his toes (however corny). I have Baginski for German, and I already love him. We had to go around and "Tell him everything he ever wanted to know but was afraid to ask" and I told him I enjoy reading he says "You enjoy reading? I have some good books for you then, ja?" and pulls out the text book. Corny too, but I like him. My history teacher is off the wall and tells stories a lot, but she said our class participation grade hinges on us interrupting class and talking. She says she doesn't care about what, to tell jokes if we have them. Just anything to interrupt class.

Anyway, this year will be better than the others and I plan on making 2007 a badass year.



p.s. What is the easiest way to communicate with someone standing beside you?


PARALLELOGRAM!

Twisted Sister has a Christmas album. Yes, a Christmas album. It is entitled Twisted Christmas, and after seeing them on the Tonight Show, I suggest everyone go out and buy it.

Today I got a free laptop that someone didn't need anymore. Then I had my stereo heisted from my car parked outside the house. Life always balances out one way or another, and I guess this is about as clear cut an example as any to show that.

I am probably gonna stay down here until like the 21st of December and work. I could use the extra money (not that I will have much extra). It looks like it is going to be another Christmas where everyone gets my respect and a nice big hug for Christmas (well, not everyone, but most of you guys [except for The Pudge (sorry, I just wanted to say "The Pudge"[and see how many of these things I can use])]). I don't know if anyone else will be in Charleston, but I don't know if anyone will be in Greenville either. So it's a gamble. I have to stay until the 14th for a reorientation thing for CofC anyway. I just have to make sure that this time I don't stay up until 6am drinking tequila on the beach (actually, it was tequila and then the beach) with Chad and a couple of girls. I slept clear through the thing and wound up having to take a semester at tech. More like half a semester at tech, if you get right down to it.

I told the doctor that I was having trouble with energy and she gave me medication that is basically speed. And by doctor, I mean that black guy on the corner. No, it was for real a doctor. I looked it up, and it's a derivative of an amphetamine. That's pretty cool, I guess. Beats the hell out of being groggy all day and walking around like the living dead. Grglglglglglggghhhhhhh (the sound the living dead make).

Dirty fingernails scratch your back
as you gently sleep off
the long night before.
You get goosebumps
and I hope it's me and
not the December breeze
from the window left open.
I hope it's from me.

An anchor sinking
when the whole world keeps moving-
I'm tied to the floor.

The woods aflame!
flailing, and running blindly;
burning cinders sticking to
clothes like leeches feasting.
I was so busy fleeing I failed
to see you fell
long ago. Finally
I found a way out,
but I exit the forest
alone
and burnt by ravenous flames
that weren't really there
at all.

I had a dream that I was at someone's house and they offered me a drink. I told them I'll have whatever they were drinking, and I got a tequila and milk with a dash of lemon.

That's all. I just thought that sounded beyond gross. But now I have to try it...

Things that make me feel worse about my life:

• Girls gone wild
  
• Emory students
  

One of my fondest memories is sitting outside of the hanger on any given winter night, jaw-chatteringly cold out but we're too engaged to really care. We can see our breath, and the frost on the ground. We can see all the stars out. We were happy.

Today, I had a bum come up to me and go "Hello Sir, would you like to donate to the United Negro Pastrami Sandwich fund?"

What should I do with Chad's life?